Terms of Service
Effective whenever you started reading. Superseded by nothing.
1. Acceptance
1.1 By loading this page you accept these terms.
1.2 By not loading this page you also accept them, though the mechanism and legality of this is unclear to both of us.
1.3 These terms are legally meaningless.
2. Nature of the Service
2.1 This site is a website.
2.2 It is my website, and if you do not like it, you are a) wrong and b) free to leave.
2.3 The Service wants nothing from you at all. This is the only warranty offered and it is the only one honored. 2.4 Updates occur whenever the Proprietor remembers the site exists. No schedule is implied, promised, or achievable.
3. The Goose
3.1 The goose is not a feature.
3.2 The goose is not a bug. He's a goose.
3.3 Appearance of the goose is approximately one visit in fifty and is not guaranteed, refundable, or discussable.
3.4 The goose is barred from certain areas by agreement.
3.5 Handling the goose is at your own risk. He bites.
3.6 Any goose you catch is counted in your browser and nowhere else. The Proprietor cannot see your total and does not want it.
3.7 The Proprietor accepts no liability for the goose, and the goose accepts no liability for anything.
4. Rankings and the Court
4.1 All rankings are final.
4.2 Notwithstanding 4.1, an appeals court is provided.
4.3 The contradiction in 4.1–4.2 is acknowledged and will not be resolved.
4.4 Certain entries are designated indisputable. The court declines to hear filings against them regardless of merit, method of submission, or cleverness.
4.5 The scale is out of ten. Entries rated above ten, below zero, or "infinity" remain out of ten.
4.6 Petitions are limited to one line. A petition containing an argument is a misfiling. Please visit the Court of Appeals.
5. Fleeting Thoughts
5.1 Thoughts posted to /fleeting expire within twenty-four hours.
5.2 Expiry is enforced at read time. A lapsed thought is invisible the moment it lapses, whatever else happens.
5.3 Deletion is permanent, unrecoverable, and the entire point.
5.4 Only the count of departures survives. This is the most rigorous data-retention policy on the site.
6. The Oracle
6.1 The Oracle is provided without warranty of accuracy, relevance, or good faith. Sometimes it doesn't make sense.
6.2 Answers are dispensed at random. Meaning found in them is yours and you may keep it.
6.3 The Oracle may decline to comment.
6.4 Do not rely on the Oracle for medical, legal, or financial decisions. Do not rely on the Oracle. The Oracle is a flake, frankly.
7. Complaints
7.1 A complaints department is provided at a hidden address.
7.2 Complaints submitted there are not stored, not transmitted, not read, and not retained in any form.
7.3 The form is purely decorative.
7.4 This is disclosed plainly, which is more than you ought to ask.
8. Guestbook Conduct
8.1 Signatures appear immediately and permanently.
8.2 "Permanently," as used in 8.1, is defined as "for some amount of time."
8.3 Be kind.
9. Intellectual Property
9.1 The words are the Proprietor's.
9.2 The typeface is not, and is credited in the footer.
9.3 The site is printed on nothing.
9.4 The bears belong to the river, and the river to the park.
10. The Dogs
10.1 The dogs are not subject to these terms.
10.2 The dogs are not aware of these terms.
10.3 The dogs are illiterate.
11. Indemnity
11.1 You agree to hold the Proprietor harmless for time lost to bear cams, which is considerable, and which she has also lost.
12. Amendments
12.1 These terms may be rewritten at any time without notice, changelog, or acknowledgement that they ever read differently.
12.2 You will not be told. You may check. I will gaslight you.
13. Severability
13.1 If any clause is found unenforceable, it was all unenforceable, and the remaining clauses continue in the same spirit.
14. Governing Law
14.1 None. Also me.